Operation Fix My Baby: A progress report

[No pic- I don't have any good smilng pictures, as I'm usually too busy enjoying his cuteness!]
 
Three weeks since Operation Fix My Baby truly kicked off and life with Chip is very similar, but also totally different.

It seems that something has worked.  We may never know whether it was eliminating dairy, visiting the osteo, baby massage, or just my baby growing 3 weeks older.  But he’s a changed boy.

He’s burping like a champ, and he barely gets sore tummies any more.  And when he does, they’re nowhere near as bad, and they go away much more quickly.  We had a bit of the old wind when we visited my folks over Easter, but it went away after that (mostly… he’s still not a baby you can just burp and leave).  Last night he had a particularly windy night feed- he was up, down, fed, burped, changed, own, re-burped and down within an hour.  Not all that long ago, it was 2.5.

He's actually HAPPY a lot of the time, and when he grizzles it's often something simple to fix, like "my dummy's come out", "my Mum's not here",  "my nappy needs changing."  He smiles and coos and chats away.  He's interested in his toys, he's chortling through long massages, and he loves "boogying" with his Dad to 80s and 90s pop hits.



Getting rid of Reducing his digestive troubles has shown us so much about his personality, and thrown up new challenges and  it seems our boy will probably not be "easy" for quite some time, if ever.  He's just not one of those chillaxed, go with the flow babies who play happily on the floor during coffee group. Every single person who has ever met him comments on his alertness, his responsiveness, his wise face.  We're super proud of that- what Type A lawyers wouldn't want to think their baby was the smartest on the block?

But it does come at a price, for him and for us, and requires a bit of extra thought sometimes.  First, he really struggles to sleep during the day- first it's serious FOMO, which turns into stressed out overtiredness.  During the day, it’s white noise, never looking at him, rocking, rocking, rocking, and sleeping in the hammock.  Oh, and a super duper straitjacket swaddle.  At night?  Feed, burp, dummy, down.  He sometimes wears a lighter, arms up swaddle.  But when he pees in everything, we just put him in a nightgown and it’s much the same!  Next, too much going on freaks him the hell out.  He was great with some visitors over the weekend, but hated hosting coffee group today.  I can sometimes get away with some TV while I feed, but I can see when he's stressed and distracted, and need to cut out some distractions.   We're likely to be moved into a separate room if I go back to Family Centre, so he can feed without being too overwhelmed.

We're getting better and better with him, and learning more about him each day.  And in case it sounds like I'm moaning, I'm not- I'm just finding this process fascinating.  Like peeling an onion!  I'm glad to have mostly stripped the "wind" layer away, and to be able to work on the "overstimulated" layer! And, as I said to a woman from my Feb babies group this evening, we're absolutely mad about his personality, and we'd take our little chatty Chip any day, tears and all!

Really, I think it's fair to say that Operation: Fix My Baby is pretty much over.  Time to get on with plain ol' loving him now!

Operation Fix My Baby: Step 4

Gratuitous baby picture: the tail end of a smile

Step 4 was booking a visit to the local Family Centre- a charitable trust which provides support and assistance to Mums with high needs babies, PND and the like.  By the time I went in, I was feeling a bit of a fraud- Chip had been so.much.better, and his “issues” pale in comparison to a serious high needs baby, but I hoped they could help me get more in tune with some of his cues (still thinking HOW COULD THIS BE SO HARD?).

The idea is that you go in, talk about your issues, feed for them, then they help you to wind and settle your baby, provide pointers, and invite you back if there’s anything more you need (even if what you need is helpful grandmotherly ladies who will cuddle your baby while you eat or rest or sleep). Then, when your baby wakes up you feed again, wind again, and you’re sent home, theoretically to put your happy wee munchkin to bed again.  Exactly what I was looking for a few weeks ago when I wailed “I just want SOMEONE to watch me and tell me what I’m doing WRONG”.

I knew they were keen on routine, and also thought they would encourage me to cry it out.  I was not initially keen on routine at all, but after 6 weeks winging it with an unsettled baby, I felt that a more orderly day might help him, so was willing to give it a shot.  I was NOT however keen on CIO- I don’t criticise anyone who does it, but it’s not for me and my snuggle-loving, frequently in pain, 6-week old.

I wasn't that happy after my first visit, but I'm not going to go into that here.  Basically, of all the people I've spoken to about Chip, they were the first who seemed to be making me feel inadequate.  Fortunately, 6 weeks, seeing results, and so much other support meant I reacted indignantly and defensively, instead of feeling insecure.  I also felt vindicated- they couldn't burp him or settle him in his bassinet either, and I ended up being handed a sleeping baby and told to rock him until his next feed.  They also couldn't tell his windy cry from his overtired cry (...for the record, I was pretty sure it was windy...)

And there were some helpful things.  First, they recommended a different type of dummy (we were already using nuk but they recommended a rubber instead of silicone teat).  Next, they used a dispenser like this for their colic powder, which is much more awesome than the stupid dropper thing I’d been using. Their wrapping style is pretty good for warm days, or days when he’s so quiet I feel I can get away with it.  They were really good at saying nice things about the babies.  Some I know they say to all the babies (“he’s so handsome”).  Others I know were special for my Chippo (“gosh, he’s got an opinion on EVERYTHING.  Has he always been this chatty?”).

Most importantly, part of their service involved weighing before and after a feed, which has provided some insights into Chip’s behaviour.  He’s crap-ass at sleeping in the morning. Even today when we had very little wind/belly trouble, he decided lying around being awake was a better deal.  This means he’s lazy as shit at his second feed of the day.  On our first visit, he took forever to get a pathetic 90ml and I had to express some off.  After his sleep in my arms he did a bit better, but took a lot of coaxing to get to 115ml (they want him to be getting 120 ml per feed).  Today, he mucked around for over AN HOUR to get 85ml (…this could have been to do with his jabs yesterday).  No wonder he gets cranky!

He doesn’t feed like this all the time- he’s often ravenous, and really gulps it down.  But there are enough feeds like this that I can see how the bad patterns begin.  I don’t know if it’s just his tiredness, or if there’s a supply/flow/latching issue there somewhere.  And I don’t know how this feeding issue plays into the winding/colic/intolerance/potential reflux issues.  Hopefully we’ll find out!

For completeness, my second visit was much better, maybe because we didn’t “bed in” (his first feed was at 9am, so we didn’t get there til midday), and maybe because I decided to approach it in a way that I would get what I needed and file what I didn’t for another day.  Maybe because I was greeted like an old friend, and complimented on making progress.  Maybe just because they called him handsome and chatty again. I’m going back in a week (Easter is in the way big time), and I’m determined to get to the bottom of this and fix this lazy sucker!

So, how am I feeling?

• Mothereffing confused.  One day we’re worried about overfeeding, the next it’s underfeeding.  One day, I’m being put on one-sided feeding to address potential oversupply issues, the next I’m being given homeopathic lactation drops to stimulate supply.  One day, I’m leaking all over the bed, the next I’m feeling saggy and empty.  WHAT IS THE DEAL HERE?
• Stressed and guilty again. Have I been STARVING my baby to try to keep his tummy settled?? Are his good day sleeps just the exhaustion of pure starvation?? (rationally, I know this is not the case.  He has been gaining fine, and he is much happier than he was a little while ago, but....?)

Operation Fix My Baby: Step 3- Osteopathy

Because babies go through a pretty full on experience during labour, their little heads and bodies are often more than a little messed up, to use the technical terms.  Through very gentle manipulations, osteopathy can (apparently) remedy a number of common baby “issues”, from general fractiousness and clinginess, to colic and sleep disturbances. It’s a bit hippy-ish for some people, but Phil and I are both fairly receptive to slightly alternative treatments, especially to help us with triathlon injuries and difficulties!

Loads of people had recommended cranial osteopathy to us.  Our friend’s baby had started having EPIC screaming fits at 7 weeks, and the osteo sorted her out in 2 sessions.  Unfortunately,  it took forEVER to get an appointment, as the baby specialist only works Fridays here.   But finally, it was Friday 9am, and we were carting a happyish but slightly scratchy Chip to the osteo. I confess that I was placing rather too much store in it for awhile- I’m glad I made appointments 1, 2 and 4, as they mean I approached our osteo session feeling a little less dependent on it!

After checking Chip for ten minutes or so, the osteo gave us her diagnosis.  Apparently he is ridiculously tight on most of his left side, particularly around his thorax and some of the nerves leading to his diaphragm.  She said he had quite an unusual combination of strains, and was particularly surprised by the level of tightness given that I had an uneventful pregnancy and straightforward birth (for those who haven’t read the details, about 18 hours to woah to go, he was in roughly the "right" position throughout, and his head and shoulders were born together after about an hour of pushing).  Being me, I asked why that would happen.  Did we hold him wrong on Day 1? But no, she suspects he was just in a silly position inside.

Then it was time for treatment.  She warned us that we would probably think she wasn’t doing anything, as her manipulations were so subtle. I was prepared for that, having been warned by both the believers and the non-believers!  But neither of us thought she was doing “nothing” for even a second.  Just like the massage two days previously, it was fascinating and beautifully emotional to watch the effect these subtle movements had on our baby.  It’s not as if he relaxed instantly or anything- there were bursts of howls throughout, but we could definitely see that she was doing SOMETHING.

We were advised that he would poo and sleep afterwards, and this proved to be right.  He slept through my sister in law's whole wedding ceremony, and settled within an hour of feeding no fewer than three times- an unusual occurrence for us.  The nappies were truly a sight to behold too!  The next day, he felt great.  We went all day without a sore tummy, although he still didn't sleep much and lay around sucking his dummy instead.  Unfortunately, he had two TERRIBLE sore tums at night, and is exhausted, cranky, and still a bit sore today.  But we're making progress. 

Thanks to Easter, our next session isn't for a fortnight.  I'm looking forward to it, as I do think this is helping.  Certainly SOMETHING is!

Operation fix my baby: Step 2

Thanks for all your comments on my last post.  There are four "steps" in total, but it's all an ongoing process, so there'll be updates too.  I suspect Operation Fix My Baby will be a lengthy process.

Before I get into step 2, here's an update on step 1:

Chip took a big step towards becoming a new baby after our LC appointment.  He was awake and happy for quite awhile!  He settled easily, and put himself to sleep (admittedly after half an hour of legit refusing to shut his damn eyes while being rocked and shhed).   It obviously wasn't the dairy thing yet, so maybe changing to one-sided feeding?  Though that didn't quite make sense, either.  No more over thinking, and onto Step 2, baby massage!


For our massage, we went to the therapist who'd given me a pregnancy massage, and had been recommended by a friend.  It was AMAZING.  I’d read books, watched youtube, and been taught a little in a big group, but this was a whole ‘nother story.  One on one (well, two on one, but I was hands off the first time), in a little room with peaceful massage music and warm towels.

Chip was crankyish when we arrived, but lay on the towel happily enough.  He grizzled for a second, then stopped when she covered his arms with the top towel.

We started with his tiny feet, watching his toes for cues: “I like that” , “no, move on please.”  Unfortunately, I was on his “bad” side (we know it’s his bad side, as it’s the leg he tightens up the most.. we’re hoping Step 3 can also help this...), and it was pretty clear he wasn’t into it, so the therapist focussed on his “good” leg first, before moving to his bad leg and giving him a quad massage. She could tell from his slight fussiness that the quad massage was “bad, but good” and kept at it, until the fussiness moved to “nope, just plain bad, had enough”.

She then moved onto his belly, but he hated that (either because it hurt, or because his misguided mother tries to make him feel better by touching it), so he got a little very light touching over the towel (…oh wait, that’s what I do… maybe not so misguided? :) ) before she returned to his feet for some tum-focussed reflexology- just a light imitation of the shape of the colon for each foot.

Apparently, babies let you KNOW when they’re done being massaged, and it won’t surprise you at all to let you know that my loud mouthed, opinionated, son was no exception! However, unlike many baby meltdowns, this one was easily calmed. He was fed, settled and sleeping within an hour of our appointment- a massive record.

We haven't yet tried a proper massage, as Chip's missed two bathtimes (bad parents!  but one was because he was blissfully asleep).  However, yesterday when we were cuddling he poked his foot out, flexed his toes and looked at me, so I gave his heel a tiny rub, and he visibly relaxed.  Then he curled his toes up again, and stuck his other foot out.  It wasn't much, and it may have been a coincidence, but it was nice to feel like we were chatting a bit, instead of being locked in an epic battle of cry and shh.  I can't wait until our next session, and I thoroughly recommend it, even if your baby is a dream!